Week 3 started with me wondering: Is anyone good besides the 49ers and Dallas Cowboys?
The Miami Dolphins and Kansas City Chiefs quickly answered that question by massacring the Denver Broncos and Bears in unrelenting fashion. The Dolphins dropped 70 on the Broncos, while the Bears quickly fell behind 31-0 in Kansas City.
By the way, the Broncos and Bears meet next week at Soldier Field. Welcome to hell.
Stay in the game with the latest updates on your beloved Boston sports teams! Sign up here for our All Access Daily newsletter.
Elsewhere, the Buffalo Bills found their groove against the Washington Commanders, Deshaun Watson still looks like cat food, and there’s no way Robert Saleh can keep trotting Zach Wilson out there every Sunday
Here’s where each team stands after Sunday’s Week 3 action:
32. Chicago Bears (0-3): Hey, at least this week is over. That’s something positive for the Bears to hang their hat on.
31. Denver Broncos (0-3): Is it Jarrett Stidham time yet?
NFL
30. Carolina Panthers (0-3): The Bears are going to end up with the No. 1 and No. 2 pick, aren’t they?
29. Arizona Cardinals (1-2): The Cardinals have been competitive in each of their first three games. The Bears haven’t. One of these teams is tanking.
28. Minnesota Vikings (0-3): How does Carl Williams feel about his son playing in Minnesota? Just asking for a friend.
27. New York Giants (1-2): Daniel Jones hasn’t thrown three touchdowns in a game since 2019. Man, $40 million a year doesn’t buy what it once did.
26. Houston Texans (1-2): It’s a small three-game sample size, but C.J. Stroud has been the best rookie quarterback so far. Texans might have found their franchise signal-caller.
25. New York Jets (1-2): Jets might want to call Matt Ryan back and see if he’s still interested in helping them out. Having Zach Wilson be the starter for the next 14 games is completely untenable.
24. Las Vegas Raiders (1-2): Jimmy G and the Raiders are who we thought they were.
23. Indianapolis Colts (1-2): Man, what the Jets would do to pry Gardner Minshew away from the Colts
22. Washington Commanders (2-1): Wins over the Broncos and Cardinals don’t do it for me. Commanders got a reality check from the Bills on Sunday.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2): Is Urban coaching the Jags again?
20. Cincinnati Bengals (0-2): Jake Browning might be all that stands between the Bengals and an 0-3 hole. Suboptimal.
19. Tennessee Titans (1-2): Over/under four more starts for Ryan Tannehill? Can’t be over. W.A.S.H.E.D.
18. Los Angeles Chargers (1-2): Someone get Brandon Staley away from Justin Herbert. Now.
17. New England Patriots (1-2): Bill Belichick against a bad quarterback? Never a doubt the Patriots would get in the win column in Week 3.
16. Atlanta Falcons (2-1): Desmond Ridder, ain’t it.
15. Los Angeles Rams (1-1): What will Puka Nacua do for an encore in Week 3?
14. Seattle Seahawks (2-1): Despite being down both starting OTs, the Seahawks have found ways to cobble together back-to-back wins against the Lions and hapless Panthers. Good teams beat the bad teams.
13. New Orleans Saints (2-1): The Saints have one of the best defenses in the NFL, but that might not be enough if Derek Carr is forced to miss a significant amount of time with a right shoulder injury.
12. Green Bay Packers (2-1): They found another one, didn’t they?
11. Cleveland Browns (2-1): Deshaun Watson has a $64 million cap hit starting next season, and he’s playing like a Carson Wentz clone. At least the Browns’ defense is dominant.
10. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1): After opening the season against two of the NFL’s best defenses, the Steelers got a reprieve Sunday against the Raiders.
9. Baltimore Ravens (2-1): It was a weird loss to the Colts, but the Ravens will be fine in the long term. Roquan Smith now has more sacks (1.5) than the entire Bears team this season.
8. Tampa Bay Bucs (2-0): Dave Canales has given Baker Mayfield the protection and big-play strikes he needs to succeed. Can that continue against Eagle on Monday night?
7. Dallas Cowboys (2-1): A bad week that started with the loss of star corner Trevon Diggs got worse Sunday when the Cowboys laid an egg against the Cardinals. Classic.
6. Detroit Lions (2-1): I think the Lions might be onto something with Brian Branch and Sam LaPorta. Two home-run picks through three weeks.
5. Buffalo Bills (2-1): The Bills finally looked like the Bills in Week 3, delivering a much-needed whooping to the Commanders.
4. Philadelphia Eagles (2-0): The Eagles aren’t the wrecking ball they were a year ago, but they still have all the pieces to win the title.
3. Kansas City Chiefs (2-1): With Taylor Swift in the crowd, the Chiefs worked the Bears like a speed bag. The gap has never been wider.
2. Miami Dolphins (3-0): The Dolphins are just out there playing Madden on Sundays.
1. San Francisco 49ers (3-0): Imagine how good the 49ers would be if Brock Purdy’s last name didn’t rhyme with “Turdy.” The Niners are an unstoppable wagon right now.