The first Republican presidential primary debate went down last night in Cleveland, and Donald J. Trump is still on the way up. As of this afternoon, 47 percent of voters in a Time Magazine poll, gave Donald the nod in Thursday night’s showdown, and considering he was already first heading into the event, Trump is quite clearly the front runner to land the GOP’s nomination.
This is terrifying and hilarious and may not amount to much down the line but in the moment Trump’s popularity isn’t hard to figure out. He’s popular because he’s relentless, ruthless and real. Because he doesn’t tip toe around the issues with politically correct, focus-group-tested buzz words. He doesn’t even need facts. He just purses those crusty lips and shoots from the hip. Basically, politics is full of fake people talking in circles out of both sides of their mouth and butt, and America is sick of it, and Trump is exposing that. He knows his competitors are compromised, in constant fear of saying the “wrong thing” and he’s making them look weak, both independently and by comparison.
Of course this doesn’t mean that Donald Trump would make a great president. After one term he’d have probably started two World Wars and converted every US conservation area into a golf course. Instead it means that Trump knows how to intimidate, seek out and destroy BS. It means Donald Trump is the man to take down the absolute King of BS. While watching last night’s debate, I couldn’t help but think how magical it would be to see Trump step into the debate ring with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell:
Moderator: Now, Mr. Goodell. The NFL has long been criticized for the way it handled concussions, what the league knew and when the league knew it. What do you have to say to those critics?
Goodell: Well, listen. I’m not a doctor. I can only go on what our experts have told me, and right now we’re still gathering information. We’re doing the research to make sure we learn all there is to learn and protect our players the way they deserve to be.
Trump: (Laughing) You’re lying, Roger.
Goodell: Listen —
Trump: And I think you might be drunk, too. Have you been drinking, Roger?
Goodell: Mr. Moderator, I’m sorry but this is out of line.
Moderator: OK, guys. Let’s —
Trump: No, I’ll tell you what’s out of line, Mr. Commissioner. It’s that you’re lying about this as much as you have everything since the day you took over. The NFL knew that football and concussions and long term health issues were linked as far back as Paul Tagliabue’s tenure. And you have gone to every possible length to hide that from your players and your fans and endangered human lives to protect the so called shield.
Goodell: No, I —
Trump: Football causes concussions, Roger! Concussions cause CTE, Roger! I’m saying that right now and if I’m named commissioner I will continue to say that every single day. I will tell our past and current players: ‘Listen, I am so unbelievably sorry for what the league did to you under that previous idiot commissioner. I am sorry for those lies and we will continue to find ways to properly care for you and make sure you have the benefits and resources to make life as tolerable as possible.’
To our future players, I’ll say ‘Guess what guys? Football might screw you up some down the line. It’s true. But how long are any of us here on this earth? NOT THAT LONG! If you want to play football and reap the benefits and riches then you should. You won’t be as rich as me but you will be filthy rich and it could be worth it. But that’s on you to decide. You deserved and will have all the pertinent information at your disposal.’
Moderator: Well, Mr. Trump. There’s no question that the NFL has made an exorbitant amount of money under Commissioner Goodell. The game has continued to gro—
Trump: Now I’m sorry but I’m going to stop you right there and talk straight to the commissioner.
(Trump turns to Goodell)
Roger, a monkey could do your job. A jar of sand from a bunker at Trump National could have made as much money for this league.
Goodell: Donald, I have to disagree with you. I have protected this shield. I have upheld the integrity of this game. I’ve cut historic TV deals with—
Trump: That has nothing to do with you, Roger. You think anyone is buying into the NFL because of you? You think advertisers are spending millions upon millions for you? A dried out and rotted cactus could do what you do. You’ve done nothing but hurt the value of this league with your pathetic excuse for decision making, invisible back bone and hypocrisy. You’ve alienated legions of fans and potential advertisers. Big businesses are now LESS likely to want their names associated with the NFL because of the evil Roger Goodell. Don’t you see that?
Moderator: Commissioner, your response?
Goodell: Err . . . Ummm . . . integrity of the league?
Trump: Of course you say that, you boob. That’s your answer for everything and the people are too smart to fall for it anymore. You’ve lost all credibility. You’ve lost everything. The greatest PR move these owners could make right now is to throw you overboard and dance on your grave. The walls are closing, Roger. You’re done! You’re . . .
(Trump puts on a pair of black sunglasses)
. . . FIRED.
Moderator: OK, gentlemen. That’s enough on that. Let’s turn to something a little more topical: DeflateGate.
(The moderator looks down at his notes)
Now, Mr. Goodell this has been the biggest story of the NFL offseason, and the question on everyone’s mind is:
(The moderator looks up from his notes)
HEY! What happened to the Commissioner?
Trump: He did what he always does, sir. Run and hide! But no one can hide from the Donald! No one can beat the best!
Moderator: Well, I’ve never seen anything like this before, but I guess I have no choice but to name you, Mr. Donald Trump, the next commissioner of the NFL. So, um, congratulations?
Trump: Oh don’t congratulate me, Mr. Moderator. This is just what I do. This is part of the greatness of being Donald Trump. Instead you should congratulate the NFL. You should congratulate the fans.
Most of all you should congratulate the American people — because now that I’m the next commissioner they don’t have to worry about me becoming the next president.
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