Film review: The Bruins make a weird yet captivating hype video


The Bruins are going to beat the Leafs in the first round. 

They're the better team, and though Toronto is very good offensively, Boston's star goal-scorers should have an easier time against Toronto's meh defense and goaltending than Toronto's star scorers will against Boston's solid defense and goaltending. 

I thought I knew everything I needed to know about these teams going into the series.

I was wrong.

Apparently the Bruins are out of their minds, as this is their hype video for the first round

This swings back and forth between reckless (the title and repeated line ends a sentence with a preposition) and maniacal (missiles launching).

What makes it fascinating (and why I'll probably watch it 28 more times before puck drop) is that it's still really well-done. It's crazy, but it isn't bad. It's like Gritty, perhaps. 

Here is the script that is read: 

"This is what you wake up for. 
This is why the machine is oiled, the plans drawn, the weapons forged.
This is why you push, why you fight, why you lead, 
Because this is where the frail come to die, the weary drown and the weak become prey.
Here, pain hurts less, losses hurt more and winning is the only thing that matters.
This is why you push, why you fight, why you bleed.
This is why the machine is oiled.
This is what you wake up for."

1. I googled it to make sure — and that's not a poem.

2. Thank God it's already gone off the rails in the first couple of lines, because that stuff about people dying in the middle is worrisome. Also, the Bruins have players who have been called frail for build or injury purposes at various points in their careers. Super weird and morbid line to throw in there. 

3. Had to mention the machine twice. 

Other quick thoughts and notes: 

- That first shot of the heart or whatever it is reminds me of "Breaking Bad" when Jesse does heroin for the first time. 

- They show a skate being sharpened as the line "the weapons forged" is being read. Shouldn't the stick be the weapon because it's A. the primary tool and B. what a hockey player uses to defeat the other team? Also, the image of a skate being a weapon is a lot more disgusting than a "Happy Gilmore" reference. Not going to bring up the injuries, but we've seen them. Again, just outrageously morbid. 

- Brad Marchand looks terrific in that shot of him on the bench. Talk about a weapon. 

- After the shot of a missile launch, there is a very brief (less than a second) shot of COCKROACHES crawling around. Is this suggesting the launch is a missile capable of wiping out part of the world? Not to be a crusty "stick to sports" old guy, but we watch sports to take our minds off the possibility of the world ending. 

- They show a ton of animals in this video. Wolves, cheetahs, moose, a dog, lots of deer, COCKROACHES. Only one brief shot of a bear, though. 

- I miss the Felger one


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