I never wanted to be an athlete. Of course, I pretended to be John Havliceck on the Kimball School playground in Mexico, Maine my fourth grade year, but that ended at recess. It’s not like I ran suicides or did a rope climb in my free time. As a matter of fact, I hate running. Hate it, hate it, hate it. On my junior high basketball team I was always last in sprints when the coach would bust out “Hey Tanguay, you’re a pig!”
I know that sounds bad, but I never cared what that coach had to say. I just wasn’t going to run hard. You know why? Because I hated it!
This topic came to mind when my colleague Tom Curran -- CSN Patriot Insider -- brought up the topic of specific players like Chris Hogan and Nate Solder and their underrated athletic abilities. You can hear Tom’s thoughts on the matter on the Quick Slants Podcast.
In August, the Tanguay clan headed south with a group of friends to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Awesome trip. I highly recommend it. We had a great time: the beach, water, the sun and the FOOD was fantastic. We had some great cooks in the bunch. We also had some amateur photographers and when I saw my beach bod, well, I was extremely disturbed. I looked like a pasty vanilla zit with an expired popping date. Something had to be done.
So I immediately went on a diet.
NOOOOOO! I had some more crab dip.
When I got home, I hit the diet and started working out again. I have gone from 213 pounds to 198; it’s not hard when you cut out carbs, actually exercise and stop eating crab dip crepes.
So why do I feel like crap?
Because at the lowest level I have become an athlete. What was I thinking?
Swimming is the best workout in the world. We’ve all heard it but no one does it because it is boring. However, the lovely Randi Tanguay came up with a solution and bought me a waterproof iPod. Doing laps to Bryan Adam’s Summer of 69 and Cuts Like a Knife made me feel like Michael Phelps… until I got out of the pool. That’s when I went all Lochte and lied about being held at gunpoint at the juice bar.
Swimmer’s ear. In both ears. I shot the movie Chappaquiddick the other day with Jason Clarke, who played Ted Kennedy. Outstanding actor and a better dude. Director John Curran has a hit on his hands, but I digress. Of course, I had my usual role as a newscaster. Just once I would like to play, ohhh I don’t know, a strung-out meth addict. I couldn’t hear out of my left ear all day and damn thing was throbbing like you read about. I had more Aleve in me than a CVS.
The Rack is device (link to photo here) I allowed myself to be suckered into buying at 3 a.m. As you can see, it is a walker type device made of metal that offers a number of isometric exercises, but there is a problem. When I grip The Rack, the palm of my left hand houses a puddle of sweat and my skin becomes chafed -- I mean, extremely chafed. I’m talking ripped up. This also happens when I try a spinning class.
Then there the elliptical. I hate running and this is closest I am going to get to it. I put on a Ray Donovan or Survivor’s Remorse and I am off… until I’m not. My hamstrings tighten and my backs locks up cell at Walpole.
Because of my hamstring/back issues I have been told to stretch on a foam roller. Is there a bigger ripoff than this thing? It cost like $30 and no doubt was made in a foreign country at a cost of 59 cents.
So, I sit on the roller and roll out my tight hams, glutes and back. It works; it really does, except now I have a rash on my left butt cheek that is literally a pain my ass. At home I sit on a pillow. I am about to order a cushioned toilet seat or maybe an inflatable one.
So, in an effort to improve my health with more athletic activity, I have had two ear infections, chopped up the palm of my hand, hurt my back and created a rash on rear end.
When I wasn’t athletic I was fat, but I felt so much better.